Real Salt Lake shipped four at home and still managed three of their own in a breathless 4-3 reverse against FC Dallas, the pick of a chaotic evening across Major League Soccer. Seven goals, no clean sheets, and a result that belonged more to a basketball court than a football pitch.
Elsewhere the points were shared with abandon. Toronto and Charlotte could not be separated after six goals in a 3-3 stalemate, while Philadelphia and Inter Miami also traded blows to finish 2-2. Portland ran out 3-1 winners against San Diego, the visitors grabbing a consolation in another match that saw both nets breached.
European visitors join the party
The trend extended beyond MLS. Ajax put four past FC Sion in the Conference League but conceded twice in a 4-2 win, while Monaco needed all three of their strikes to see off Górnik Zabrze 3-2 after the Polish side twice found a reply. In South America, Vasco da Gama thumped Olimpia 4-1 in Copa Sudamericana action, the Paraguayan outfit at least avoiding a shutout.
Even the USL Championship got in on the act: Phoenix Rising edged Colorado Springs 3-1, both teams contributing to a fixture that lacked any semblance of defensive solidity.
Across continents and competitions, Friday delivered a masterclass in how not to keep the back door shut. Thirty-five matches recorded goals at both ends; these eight stood out not for their quality of defending, but for the sheer volume of chances taken and mistakes punished.